The clogs are coming loose :-(

Andrew came to visit me in hospital on his way home from work. Dr Head Oncologist popped in. He said that the cancer has spread to the peritoneal cavity and there is no cure. Previously he had given me a life expectancy of two years. That was one year ago and before my successful liver resection. Things had finally started looking up.

Andrew and I had a good cry, we are devastated. This isnt how it is supposed to go! I cant comprehend the kids growing up without me. Im not giving up but suddenly reality has thrashed us about the head.

This isnt fair - on my hubby, the kidz, mum, my sisters... If I had known this was in my future I would never have gotten married. Noone should have to go through this. Im pissed off but mostly just overwhelmingly sad. I will not give up, I will fight for every extra day with my loved ones.

So today I will give myself permission to cry and wallow. Tomorrow somehow I will get it together and keep fighting. I will never, ever give up.

Not so good...

Had my surgery yesterday and Doc has just left. The tumour had attached itself to various other parts and had been bleeding. Thats why I had been in so much pain and had low blood pressure. Its certainly not what I wanted to hear. The bleeding could be full of cancer cells and essentially 'seeded' my entire abdomen. And because the tumour was stuck, he couldnt get it all out. Im devastated, but give me aa few days to calm down and I will be back in fighting mode. I already started talking to Doc about whats next ...he said get over this op and we will talk about it. At least I have my own room, so happy bout that!

Latest update

Im home, but going back in on 5 March for what will hopefully be my last surgery for a very long time. This op will be to remove both ovaries, or perhaps a full hysterectomy depending on what they find. I dont mind, so long as I dont turn into a menopausal monster! And my tummy should be nice and flat after this. Good news is that last weeks scan didnt reveal any nasty new surprises. Bye for now,
Jen

Omg Im still in hospital and this woman is still snoring. Then she wakes up and complains that she hasnt slept and the rest of us roll our eyes! If i accidentally smother while sleepwalking am i legally responsible?
The tumour in my ovary has grown and the think it may be necrotic, doesnt that sound lovely? I was not overjoyed. It would be reasonable to assume they would take it out, but no. They dont do complicated surgery here and dr ovary said to get my pain under control and send me back to him. Please can this all be cured - now!

My neighbour is evil

Im back in hospital and the old lady in the bed next to me is pure evil. She snores in a way ive never heard before, the whole ward is sleep deprived. I had $2 on my bedside table for the paper and she just took it! Get me outta here!

Catching a break!

Hiya, just a quick update for family & friends...

MY MARGINS WERE CLEAR!

Yep, thats a big yippee!

I will only be yippeeing for a little while, Im already looking at another surgery in March and then back on to the dreaded chemo.  We are still playing the eternal waiting game to see if the 'indeterminants' in my ovary and liver are cysts or tumours, should have a better idea after my next catscan.  Please let them be cysts, Ive had about as much as I can take.  Since Ive been home Ive managed to get pleurisy, tonsilitis and gastro...so Ive been taking it easy and keeping away from you germy lot while my immune system reboots.  Im feeling much better now and am looking forward to catching up with everyone soon,  After the next surgery I should be well set up with my own portable noughts a and crosses game set up on my tummy, ready to play at any time lol !!   #

Still recovering at home, waiting to see when the next round of drs visits will start and, more importantly, what news they will bring. Today i noticed that my hands arent yellow, and actually have a touch of pink! I was very happy about that! Still got quite a bit of pain but thats to be expected with such a big operation. Now i have Izzy at home sick too, so I hope she is feeling better by morning. Thank goodness a cool change is on its way, the kids have been going nuts stuck inside! Have been feeling sad over the last few days over the death of Kristian Anderson. Ive been following his blog and it very tragic. It feels selfish to wish for a different outcome for myself.