Andrew came to visit me in hospital on his way home from work. Dr Head Oncologist popped in. He said that the cancer has spread to the peritoneal cavity and there is no cure. Previously he had given me a life expectancy of two years. That was one year ago and before my successful liver resection. Things had finally started looking up.
Andrew and I had a good cry, we are devastated. This isnt how it is supposed to go! I cant comprehend the kids growing up without me. Im not giving up but suddenly reality has thrashed us about the head.
This isnt fair - on my hubby, the kidz, mum, my sisters... If I had known this was in my future I would never have gotten married. Noone should have to go through this. Im pissed off but mostly just overwhelmingly sad. I will not give up, I will fight for every extra day with my loved ones.
So today I will give myself permission to cry and wallow. Tomorrow somehow I will get it together and keep fighting. I will never, ever give up.
Monday, 5 March 2012
Had my surgery yesterday and Doc has just left. The tumour had attached itself to various other parts and had been bleeding. Thats why I had been in so much pain and had low blood pressure. Its certainly not what I wanted to hear. The bleeding could be full of cancer cells and essentially 'seeded' my entire abdomen. And because the tumour was stuck, he couldnt get it all out. Im devastated, but give me aa few days to calm down and I will be back in fighting mode. I already started talking to Doc about whats next ...he said get over this op and we will talk about it. At least I have my own room, so happy bout that!